Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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