You work out of a Hotel?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
