when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize