My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
