Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
