Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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