Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the raccoons are back...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
