Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
pray to the hookup gods
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
