i don't like sucking hair
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
