About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
