# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
