Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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