I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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