I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
