and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
