There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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