I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
