Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
