batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
