so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
