She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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