Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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