Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
