I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
