Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
