he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
