last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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