why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
