Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
