A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
