now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need to calm my uterus...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize