is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
