you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
