I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
