no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
