I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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