i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize