i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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