Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
