census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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