come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
