Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
