Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
