Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize