if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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