I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
