she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
