Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
