I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
