i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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