Don't you send me to vm
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize