I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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