just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
