My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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