dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
