so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
the raccoons are back...
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