We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
