you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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