You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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