I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
