I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
