after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sarcasm needs its own font
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
