got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
