That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
