Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
