Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Watching her eat just hurts me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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