i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
