i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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