I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
