"it" just moved
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
