I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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