I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
