never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
