Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
