my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I met the friendliest cop last night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
