Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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