He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
