Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize