I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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