Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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