only if we run a train.
done.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
