I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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