I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize