i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
