I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
