and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
