Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
