Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
