yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
