I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
