he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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