Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
