His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
