Apparently you make a good broom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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