the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
