Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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