I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
