i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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