maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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