Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
