Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
