listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
