It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
